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  • Heather Marie Jessop

Low Sex Drive? It might not be hormones…


The lack of sex in a relationship can be a source of pain and stress. Often times it is the wife that is not interested and disconnected from that desire but is worried that her husband will seek that physical connection elsewhere.


It actually isn’t unusual for women (and men) in their late 30’s to 40’s to not have the desire to be as sexually active as they would like. And many immediately believe that it is hormone related.

However, one can usually determine if it is hormone related by answering these two questions.

How is sex on your vactions together? If sex is fine on vacation then often times it is something at home that is getting in the way and interrupting a happy and fulfilling sex life.


Does looking at the “pool guy” get you hot and bothered? Meaning if you see a hot and sexy dude walk into a restaurant that you are patronizing with some friends do you become attracted to that man quickly? If so, then your libido is not the problem.


The key ingredient you might be missing is satisfaction. Not in the sense of reaching orgasm every time you have a sexual encounter with your husband. Because you can have an orgasm and still not be satisfied but many women can also report that they are sexually satisfied without having an orgasm.


Satisfaction is the feelings of comfort, reassurance, tenderness and a sense of being protected are as important - or more so - as an orgasm for some women. Feelings a woman has for her partner directly correlates to whether or not they experience desire for their spouse.


Our day to day life and the stresses that come with it can play a big part in why the sex life of a couple suffers. We are all bombarded with pressures from loved ones, work, children, health and money that works it way into the quality time of couples. Stress can have a negative effect on sexual interest and performance due to a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol is meant to soothe the body’s response to threats and mitigate the effects of stress and a couples sex life can suffer because of it.


I have good news for you, though! If you determined from the above questions that your sex drive is not caused by hormones there is hope. A woman’s brain is the largest erogenous zone on the body. So, if it isn’t happening in your body, use your brain! Just by thinking that your sex life can improve can actually increase sexual satisfaction.


For many women, sex is a process. We don’t have the same drive as men and need to feel an intimate connection to experience the desire for their partner. I am going to share with you some ways to increase that intimate connection and increase your desire for sex.


Foreplay. Foreplay actually begins hours before intercourse. Whether it is a quiet conversation over dinner, dancing or romantic text messages sent before a date even begins.It is not just the dinner and dancing that ignite a desire but her partners physical touch. Many women need a partner’s initiation to experience desire. Take note gentlemen. It is well worth the effort.


Get Intimate. Sometimes you have to make intimacy happen and may even take place over a couple of days. If your husband doesn’t understand the importance of intimacy make it happen yourself. Go for a walk together or cuddle up and look at old pictures. Ask your spouse about his day and share about your own day. And don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.


Spice It Up. Is there anything you both have enjoyed in the past that you could try again? I am referring to things you have done in the bedroom under the sheets. :) Have you taken an exotic trip or found a pleasure spot that has been neglected lately. Maybe a good foot or back rub is in order. You can also ask yourself what can you do to make your lovemaking session more interesting to you.


Talk About It. Simply addressing the problem head on can turn your sexual relationship in a more positive direction. Ask your husband what his likes and dis-likes are and allow him to pose the same questions to you.


Nutrition. Alcohol, coffee, soda, processed foods and consuming large amounts of pesticides found on fruits and vegetables could be lowering your sex drive. Ensuring that you eat a healthy, balanced diet will lead to a happier, healthier sex drive.


Exercise. Working out or regular physical activity can do wonders for your sex drive. It helps you feel sexy, enhances performance, and reduces stress. Remember from above. Stress is a mood killer.


To discover more about how to increase your sex drive, gain an intimate connection and find passion for your spouse again or to learn how to work with me directly contact me HERE.

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- Colossians 3:14: 

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