• Heather Marie Jessop

Let's Fight Fair!! Okay!

Let’s be REAL here! We are all different individuals with our own opinions, thoughts, experiences and perceptions of life. This can make for a very interesting life when living with someone else.

As couples there are bound to be arguments or fights come up from time to time. Totally normal. I recently read that a couple calls them “passionate disagreements”. I might adopt this saying for myself. We currently call our disagreement a debate. Lol!!

When you and your spouse fight fair with one another you two can accomplish some amazing things. Become an unstoppable couple in every endeavor you begin.

So, today I am going to cover the Do’s and Don'ts of having a passionate disagreement.

Do - Speak calmly! A gentle answer turns away rage. So slow down and breathe.

Don’t - Yell or speak with tension! The fastest way to build a wall and stop the flow of communication between you and your spouse is to yell. Nobody is “hearing” what is being said.

Do - Speak with kindness and respect. If you want someone to speak to you in this manner you must first start. You don’t get what you don’t give.

Don’t - Call names!! Anynames!! This is childish and immature. We want to build each other up not tear each other down. You are a team. Act like it!!

Do - Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. This can be found in James 1:19. Find your filter and think before you respond. If you need help shutting your mouth I suggest you go read Mel Robbins book called “The 5 Second Rule”. Then implement it.

Don’t - Lead with attacks, anger and heightened emotions. This will destroy communication and you lose even if you “think” you have won.

Do - Use “I feel” statements. I feel overworked and exhausted taking care of ….. I need help.

Don’t - Use “I/You always” or “I/You never” statements. “I always clean up and you never help.” This will automatically put a defense up and guess what. You lose!

Do - Diffuse an argument by saying “I love you too much to argue. I would like to continue discussing this when I can speak in a kind and calm manner. Or simply say “You are probably right.” By saying this you are not saying the other is right but in a situation that is not worth fighting over this might be your best option. Pick your battles my friends.

Don’t - Argue in the heat of the moment. If you can’t do the Do’s mentioned above you can walk away for a bit to gain your composure but also Don’t avoid the disagreement as it will build and something that may be seemingly small could be blown out of proportion.

Do - Be careful of your timing.

Don’t - Start a heated conversation after a long day of work/around a crowd/in public or if you are already wound pretty tight yourself. There may never be a perfect time but some times are worse than others.

Do - Stay on subject. If you have a disagreement about something resolve that issue before diving head first into another subject at the same time.

Don’t - Bring up old junk from last week, last month or last year. No need to blindside your partner and exasperate the issue at hand.

And remember, do continue to practice and keep working at it. Don’t give up. Changing the way you argue or “passionately disagree” will take time.

Practice Makes Progress.

What are some ways that you and your spouse argue that work? What doesn’t work?

Still need help? Check out the 6 Habits You Need To End Today To Improve Your Marriage HERE!!

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